My vibrator toy taught me 3 lessons about good sex

My vibrator toy turned sex from an act I’d perform because my boyfriend liked it, to a sensual experience designed for my orgasmic pleasure. Looking back, my female cousin was a primary contributor to my early sex education, when I needed it most. For instance she clarified that I couldn’t get pregnant by dancing with a boy, no matter how close we got.

She also confirmed that I wasn’t the only person who touched themselves (down there), and most importantly, she showed me that ‘wellness massagers from Sears were used for things other than sore necks and shoulders.

A few years later my boyfriend introduced me to the real deal. A vibrator made specifically for genital arousal. It was a cream colored, hard plastic, shapeless cylinder with a twisting on/off switch at the end.

My vibrator toy taught me the following 3 lessons about sexual pleasure:

First, my sexual pleasure is for me, not just my partner.

Both genders come into sex with misconceptions and beliefs, based on inadequate sex education that doesn’t address pleasure, or porn that depicts male pleasure over female pleasure. When a young woman begins to experience sex for her own pleasure, she awakens her sexual desire. Owning her desire makes sex not only better for her, but it makes her a better lover to her partner as well.

Secondly, vibrator toys helped me explore my own body and its unique paths to arousal

When I could give myself an orgasm, I felt more confident to have an orgasm with a partner. If a woman comes to me wanting to learn how to have an orgasm with her partner, I’ll first coach her in how to get comfortable with masturbation and giving herself orgasms. Once she understands how her body works, she can show her partner how to touch her, and teach them how to please her.

Lastly, I control my orgasmic pleasure

I don’t need to rely on anyone else to give it to me. If a woman grows up always relying on a partner in order to have an orgasm, they can fail to develop a sense of healthy autonomy in relationships. Partner sex will always be something women can share with another, but an orgasm is what a woman can give herself. Our bodies are made for sexual pleasure, whether we’re partnered or not.

Conclusion

In conclusion, my first vibrator, many years ago, taught me these 3, important lessons about sexual pleasure and laid the foundation for all other sex toys to come into my life, of which there were many!

I think back now, on that shapeless, hard plastic, noisy, vibrator toy that I thought was the best invention ever. We’ve come a long way, baby! Today there are remote vibrators and Bluetooth vibrators. There are vibrators for the clit, the G-spot, necklaces, panties and penises.

It’s safe to say that we’re all riding these good ‘vibes’ as far as they’ll take us. I can’t wait to see, and experience what’s to come.

As an online Sex and Relationship Coach I work with women and couples, who want to claim their intimate pleasure and live sexually empowered lives.

By Corinne Farago